Sound of today #12
Just breathe
"It comes and goes" so to speak, since the mood shifts and everythings else with it. The way you look at things, anxities and excitements, everything.The beginning of this year I've felt totally different from what I have felt like before, and I don't mind welcoming something new. It has actually felt really good, it all being as refreshing as this is. Now the period where I start over thinking it all begins though, and I sort of go back to feeling like I have felt before, which all of a sudden feels strange, somehow. It's a bit too complex for even myself to understand so I don't really expect you to either, but I guess that everyone has at least had a period, or a day where they just wish that the world could just slow down, stop spinning and let you breathe. Just breathe. For one minut so you could see it all clearly.
/Madeleine
Sound of today #11
Somewhere out there
A quote from my favourite song atm, Somewhere Out There by Our Lady Peace. It is a really beautiful song (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQi0gghkNOM). I love songs that really make you think, at the same time as I hate them. Deeply. When all the wonderful melodies along with the moving lyrics put me in this "haze" where all I really do is relate to my own memories and feelings. It's painful at times, as I guess it is for everybody who use music or whatever they use in order to calm down, focus on oneself and just be.
Those are the times where I can feel extremely happy, because of the things I have in my life that I'm grateful for. The things that get me through the day etc. At the same time, feeling at all also forces one to feel sadness of different kinds. It has to be like that, since my past just as everyone else's isn't just perfect. It isn't "happy go happy with cupcakes flying about" since there have been painful moments in everyone's life, where everything has felt like it's completely pointless.
I believe in independence, sure I do. I believe that at the end of the day, all we can really count on is ourselves, because that's the truth. However, I also believe that a life where you don't let people in at all, don't let anyone become a part of your life, or what you feel you can trust or count on, is a life not worth living. Because no matter how cliché it may sound, the one thing that makes everything worth the bad times, is the love you can feel for people around you. The people that are your safety-net. The ones you trust with your heart.
Sure letting people in is a risk of getting hurt, beeing left behind and finding oneself alone, sure it is. I know I have cursed a few situations where I trusted and loved people who hurt me. Hated the fact that I trusted them with my heart, counting on them and trusting that they wouldn't leave. After a while though, when the hurt feelings start to go away, I don't actually regret my choice of letting them in in the first place. It is what life is all about I'd like to think. That love actually is worth the pain it sometime causes. That you can grow and appreciate other kinds of relationships as long as you evolve from the times you found yourself hurt by it. Even though the scars heal, they never go away, I know that. But I still believe that I can find things to hold on to, that eventually can make me smile at them instead.
/Madeleine
Sound of today #10
Details and such
I figured that an entire impression of something is not what appreciation is really about. It is about all the little details that makes it perfect in the way that it is. That is what love is to me, something that no matter from which angle I look at it from, it still appears beautiful to me. No matter if it is not complete at all times or if there are cracks at places, and there may be things that could improve. In my world, however, love is perfect because it is happiness, tears, laughs, anxiety, satisfaction and sacrifice, all in one. I've seen many different versions of this phenomenon, far from every single one though, but enough to know I consider it worth fighting for. For you and the people that can create emotions and move you, there is always something beautiful to it. Something I actually do believe can be the purpose everyone is so obsessed about to fulfill...?
"I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you
Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words
I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go,
these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know,
'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go
Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you"
From With Me by Sum 41
/Madeleine