The antidote
I went to a great concert a couple of days ago, with Sonic Syndicate, and I just have to say that their ballads are some of the most beautiful songs that have ever been written. I posted My Escape a couple of blogs ago, but I seriously would advise all people to listen to Condtradiction and Enclave as well. Both incredibly meaningful, poetic and amazing in every single way.
Concerts have always been a great way for me to forget about the everyday, the boring stuff and the hurting things in my life. It's always been some kind of escape from reality, that just gives me the opportunity to focus on the greatness of good music and just... not care about whatever that may be bothering me at the moment. I'd call it the best kind of therapy in the world, although I know that close friends top that list by far. But concerts are still a pretty good second. I just wish there were more bands that would decide to play here in Stockholm, but since most of my favourite bands are American, that doesn't happen that often. Sonic Syndicate are swedish, which is kind of cool, but bands like Three Days Grace, Rise Against, Taking Back Sunday, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Breaking Benjamin are bands that don't really visit Sweden, unfortunately. But they really, really should...
Anyhow, my point was that when things "turn grey" or go shitty, however you wanna put it, I think the best thing one can do is just to keep busy with things that infiltrate a bit of happiness that stays there, permanently for a while. To try and focus on whatever takes your mind of the bad things. I know I've mentioned this before, I guess I just need to remind myself of it as well. To tell the truth, things have been better, then again I guess they've been worse as well, I guess. There are always gonna be hurtful things in one's life, that's probably a given, but at the moment I just wish things were a bit different. I wish I didn't have to feel confused. To quote one of my best friends: Struggling is painful and letting go is painful, but not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering.
I think that's true. That while standing at a crossroad and not knowing which path to choose, we find ourselves being the most frustrated. In other cases, we have a goal, we have something to strive for. When we don't know what we want to do, or what we should do, the pain just sort of continues, until you don't know what to do with it anymore. Hopefully though, time makes us wiser and therefore, we can count on ourselves to do the right thing in the end.
/Madeleine
Concerts have always been a great way for me to forget about the everyday, the boring stuff and the hurting things in my life. It's always been some kind of escape from reality, that just gives me the opportunity to focus on the greatness of good music and just... not care about whatever that may be bothering me at the moment. I'd call it the best kind of therapy in the world, although I know that close friends top that list by far. But concerts are still a pretty good second. I just wish there were more bands that would decide to play here in Stockholm, but since most of my favourite bands are American, that doesn't happen that often. Sonic Syndicate are swedish, which is kind of cool, but bands like Three Days Grace, Rise Against, Taking Back Sunday, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Breaking Benjamin are bands that don't really visit Sweden, unfortunately. But they really, really should...
Anyhow, my point was that when things "turn grey" or go shitty, however you wanna put it, I think the best thing one can do is just to keep busy with things that infiltrate a bit of happiness that stays there, permanently for a while. To try and focus on whatever takes your mind of the bad things. I know I've mentioned this before, I guess I just need to remind myself of it as well. To tell the truth, things have been better, then again I guess they've been worse as well, I guess. There are always gonna be hurtful things in one's life, that's probably a given, but at the moment I just wish things were a bit different. I wish I didn't have to feel confused. To quote one of my best friends: Struggling is painful and letting go is painful, but not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering.
I think that's true. That while standing at a crossroad and not knowing which path to choose, we find ourselves being the most frustrated. In other cases, we have a goal, we have something to strive for. When we don't know what we want to do, or what we should do, the pain just sort of continues, until you don't know what to do with it anymore. Hopefully though, time makes us wiser and therefore, we can count on ourselves to do the right thing in the end.
/Madeleine
Just breathe
I'm just way too much in my own head sometimes. When I actually feel like life's under control, and most things are going my way, I pull myself down to the ground again and start over thinking certain things. Thing is, I don't want to do that, not right now. There is just too many things that can take too much space and it turns into an internal storm that can blow me out of perspective. I worry too much, and I think too much, I talk too much and I know I do all of those things.
"It comes and goes" so to speak, since the mood shifts and everythings else with it. The way you look at things, anxities and excitements, everything.The beginning of this year I've felt totally different from what I have felt like before, and I don't mind welcoming something new. It has actually felt really good, it all being as refreshing as this is. Now the period where I start over thinking it all begins though, and I sort of go back to feeling like I have felt before, which all of a sudden feels strange, somehow. It's a bit too complex for even myself to understand so I don't really expect you to either, but I guess that everyone has at least had a period, or a day where they just wish that the world could just slow down, stop spinning and let you breathe. Just breathe. For one minut so you could see it all clearly.
/Madeleine
"It comes and goes" so to speak, since the mood shifts and everythings else with it. The way you look at things, anxities and excitements, everything.The beginning of this year I've felt totally different from what I have felt like before, and I don't mind welcoming something new. It has actually felt really good, it all being as refreshing as this is. Now the period where I start over thinking it all begins though, and I sort of go back to feeling like I have felt before, which all of a sudden feels strange, somehow. It's a bit too complex for even myself to understand so I don't really expect you to either, but I guess that everyone has at least had a period, or a day where they just wish that the world could just slow down, stop spinning and let you breathe. Just breathe. For one minut so you could see it all clearly.
/Madeleine
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach, defying gravity. I know you're out there, somewhere out there.
A quote from my favourite song atm, Somewhere Out There by Our Lady Peace. It is a really beautiful song (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQi0gghkNOM). I love songs that really make you think, at the same time as I hate them. Deeply. When all the wonderful melodies along with the moving lyrics put me in this "haze" where all I really do is relate to my own memories and feelings. It's painful at times, as I guess it is for everybody who use music or whatever they use in order to calm down, focus on oneself and just be.
Those are the times where I can feel extremely happy, because of the things I have in my life that I'm grateful for. The things that get me through the day etc. At the same time, feeling at all also forces one to feel sadness of different kinds. It has to be like that, since my past just as everyone else's isn't just perfect. It isn't "happy go happy with cupcakes flying about" since there have been painful moments in everyone's life, where everything has felt like it's completely pointless.
I believe in independence, sure I do. I believe that at the end of the day, all we can really count on is ourselves, because that's the truth. However, I also believe that a life where you don't let people in at all, don't let anyone become a part of your life, or what you feel you can trust or count on, is a life not worth living. Because no matter how cliché it may sound, the one thing that makes everything worth the bad times, is the love you can feel for people around you. The people that are your safety-net. The ones you trust with your heart.
Sure letting people in is a risk of getting hurt, beeing left behind and finding oneself alone, sure it is. I know I have cursed a few situations where I trusted and loved people who hurt me. Hated the fact that I trusted them with my heart, counting on them and trusting that they wouldn't leave. After a while though, when the hurt feelings start to go away, I don't actually regret my choice of letting them in in the first place. It is what life is all about I'd like to think. That love actually is worth the pain it sometime causes. That you can grow and appreciate other kinds of relationships as long as you evolve from the times you found yourself hurt by it. Even though the scars heal, they never go away, I know that. But I still believe that I can find things to hold on to, that eventually can make me smile at them instead.
/Madeleine
A quote from my favourite song atm, Somewhere Out There by Our Lady Peace. It is a really beautiful song (listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQi0gghkNOM). I love songs that really make you think, at the same time as I hate them. Deeply. When all the wonderful melodies along with the moving lyrics put me in this "haze" where all I really do is relate to my own memories and feelings. It's painful at times, as I guess it is for everybody who use music or whatever they use in order to calm down, focus on oneself and just be.
Those are the times where I can feel extremely happy, because of the things I have in my life that I'm grateful for. The things that get me through the day etc. At the same time, feeling at all also forces one to feel sadness of different kinds. It has to be like that, since my past just as everyone else's isn't just perfect. It isn't "happy go happy with cupcakes flying about" since there have been painful moments in everyone's life, where everything has felt like it's completely pointless.
I believe in independence, sure I do. I believe that at the end of the day, all we can really count on is ourselves, because that's the truth. However, I also believe that a life where you don't let people in at all, don't let anyone become a part of your life, or what you feel you can trust or count on, is a life not worth living. Because no matter how cliché it may sound, the one thing that makes everything worth the bad times, is the love you can feel for people around you. The people that are your safety-net. The ones you trust with your heart.
Sure letting people in is a risk of getting hurt, beeing left behind and finding oneself alone, sure it is. I know I have cursed a few situations where I trusted and loved people who hurt me. Hated the fact that I trusted them with my heart, counting on them and trusting that they wouldn't leave. After a while though, when the hurt feelings start to go away, I don't actually regret my choice of letting them in in the first place. It is what life is all about I'd like to think. That love actually is worth the pain it sometime causes. That you can grow and appreciate other kinds of relationships as long as you evolve from the times you found yourself hurt by it. Even though the scars heal, they never go away, I know that. But I still believe that I can find things to hold on to, that eventually can make me smile at them instead.
/Madeleine
Details and such
I figured that an entire impression of something is not what appreciation is really about. It is about all the little details that makes it perfect in the way that it is. That is what love is to me, something that no matter from which angle I look at it from, it still appears beautiful to me. No matter if it is not complete at all times or if there are cracks at places, and there may be things that could improve. In my world, however, love is perfect because it is happiness, tears, laughs, anxiety, satisfaction and sacrifice, all in one. I've seen many different versions of this phenomenon, far from every single one though, but enough to know I consider it worth fighting for. For you and the people that can create emotions and move you, there is always something beautiful to it. Something I actually do believe can be the purpose everyone is so obsessed about to fulfill...?
"I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you
Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words
I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go,
these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know,
'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go
Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you"
From With Me by Sum 41
/Madeleine
Pancake sunday
Hello again. Today, after waking up at Louise's place, I went to my friend Signe's, where a group of 9 people had a pancake party. We made oven pancake, american pancakes and ofc, regular pancakes. Obviously, it was delicious and we ate way too much and I ended up feeling nausious for a cople of hours. We talked and laughed and had a great time. I love days like these, where there is just the simplicity of enjoying other people's company. Moments where we don't feel lonely or worried or anxious about tomorrow, but can just... enjoy.
/Madeleine
/Madeleine
All I want for christmas
...is these things listed down below, should not be too much to ask for right? Here are the things I would be the most happiest to find under the tree this year or to experience coming true;
1. Gift certificates to buy new funriture, clothes and shoes. Since the actual buying is half the fun.
2. Posters and t-shirts with my favourite bands on them, which is sort of difficult to find in Stockholm.
3. Books by Sophie Kinsella and other literature about international relations and/or political science.
If I could go a bit further and wish for the extreme:
1. All wars and poverty would fineally come to and end.
2. Trips around the world to more than 50 different locations.
3. Getting to see my favourite bands live and meet them in person.
/Madeleine
After the silence
Hello again, to those who read this. I never do this, but since I haven't written anything in such along time, a 'I'm so sorry' is probably in order. I know it's been forever since I wrote something here, and I apologize for that. Thing is, the last few months have most likely been the busiest period of my entire life. The international barbershop competition in the States, school work and other things that have come up have sure given me a golden opportunity to keep this page interesting, since there is constantly new stuff happening, but leaving me with no time to actually write about them. Sort of ironic in a way. But to move on from that, I can gladly say that with my resently given freedom from school up until the 7th of January, I'll most likely be able to update.
Atm, I'm sitting here, in my PJ's even though it's late in the afternoon, listening to Disturbed and longing to go back to bed. I woke up a couple of hours ago and have not had the energy to do anything else but text friends, read a book and then finally drag myself to the computer chair. It's probably because this is the first day where I can just stay at home and do nothing in like, half a year or something like that (not counting the time when I got terribly sick a month ago). Not to complain or anything, me and everyone else know that I keep myself busy for a reason, and I usually love it. But yeah, so, today is lazy day. Which is probably why I'm writing this at the moment. Because I just happened to find myself restless. Which is one of the feeling I hate the most and always try to turn into something creative that will make me feel like I've actually done something worthwile. That's just how I work, apperantly. Another ironic thing, considering I always long to just do nothing when I'm über busy. Sort of proves that you always end up wanting what you can't have. Not true in all cases, but in many of them at least. But as previously said, I'm still loving it since I plan things ahead and like to fill my time with things that make me fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.
/Madeleine
Atm, I'm sitting here, in my PJ's even though it's late in the afternoon, listening to Disturbed and longing to go back to bed. I woke up a couple of hours ago and have not had the energy to do anything else but text friends, read a book and then finally drag myself to the computer chair. It's probably because this is the first day where I can just stay at home and do nothing in like, half a year or something like that (not counting the time when I got terribly sick a month ago). Not to complain or anything, me and everyone else know that I keep myself busy for a reason, and I usually love it. But yeah, so, today is lazy day. Which is probably why I'm writing this at the moment. Because I just happened to find myself restless. Which is one of the feeling I hate the most and always try to turn into something creative that will make me feel like I've actually done something worthwile. That's just how I work, apperantly. Another ironic thing, considering I always long to just do nothing when I'm über busy. Sort of proves that you always end up wanting what you can't have. Not true in all cases, but in many of them at least. But as previously said, I'm still loving it since I plan things ahead and like to fill my time with things that make me fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.
/Madeleine
Taste of Chaos
This weekend has been awesome, friday I hung out with my sweet Louise which, as always, turned out to be awesome. It was sort of sucky though since we slept at my place but had to leave my bed around 7:30 saturday morning since I had choir rehersal at 9. That day was full of singing and that kind of stuff since we were gonna have two choir concerts in the evening. I was only a part of the first one though, since I had to leave at 6 in order to be at Taste of Chaos at Arenan in time for the concerts that I wanted to see there. Taste of Chaos is a gathering of many great different bands that tour together and play at a lot of different locations. This saturday, Stockholm was the location to be visited by a couple of these great rock bands that I simply couldn't miss.
I got there in time for Story of the Year which is one of my favourite bands, one of their best song is listed as Sound of today #5. Seeing that song live was an experience, a truly great one. All of their songs are awesome and we ended up at the front in the middle which always makes a concert even better since you feel so close to the band. You can even smell their sweat. Haha. At the end, the drummer threw one of his drumsticks at me but this other horrible b*tch stole it from me. We fought over it for like, five minutes or so but she won since I'm too much of a non-violent and nice person to punch her in the face.
Later on this Japanese band called Mucc played. It was very entertaining to see them play even though I don't listen to them. Still, it was pretty funny when I realised that Japanese people head-bang to the side, and also seeing the base player stumble to the floor in the middle of a song. After that, we watched and fell in love with the band Atreyu, all over again. That was the highlight of this already awesome evening. They had the longest time on stage and they were so great that I couldn't stop jumping up and down and scream my lungs out. It didn't exactly get any worse when one of the hot singers decided to take his shirt off. The whole time they were on stage was magical. All in all, this was a great saturday, since there is nothing like concerts to make you feel high on life (well, music in this case, but music is a great part of life, so you all see my point?). It was great, lots of thanks to Jenny and Carolina who shared this awesome night with me.
This sunday turned out to be pretty great as well. After sleeping till 1:20 in the afternoon I got up and went into town to meet Sandra. She's an old school friend of mine that I hadn't met in a long time, and she and I went shopping and then wandered into Muffin Bekery to have a couple of muffins. I bought a present for a friend and a dress and two tops for myself. It was all on sale so I thought it would be okay if I cheated just a little bit on my "keeping-all-of-my-money-in-my-wallet"-promise. Hopefully it'll all work out. I just felt like I didn't want to leave the stores without those things, and I mean, I can't say that I follow my emotions and tell others to do the same if I don't follow my emotions, right? I know what you're thinking, "excuses, excuses", but I don't really care right now, because music and shopping have one thing in common; they both put me in an extremely good mood that stays with me for a really long time. So I can see both my ticket to Taste of Chaos and my new clothes as an investment in my psychological health.
/Madeleine
I got there in time for Story of the Year which is one of my favourite bands, one of their best song is listed as Sound of today #5. Seeing that song live was an experience, a truly great one. All of their songs are awesome and we ended up at the front in the middle which always makes a concert even better since you feel so close to the band. You can even smell their sweat. Haha. At the end, the drummer threw one of his drumsticks at me but this other horrible b*tch stole it from me. We fought over it for like, five minutes or so but she won since I'm too much of a non-violent and nice person to punch her in the face.
Later on this Japanese band called Mucc played. It was very entertaining to see them play even though I don't listen to them. Still, it was pretty funny when I realised that Japanese people head-bang to the side, and also seeing the base player stumble to the floor in the middle of a song. After that, we watched and fell in love with the band Atreyu, all over again. That was the highlight of this already awesome evening. They had the longest time on stage and they were so great that I couldn't stop jumping up and down and scream my lungs out. It didn't exactly get any worse when one of the hot singers decided to take his shirt off. The whole time they were on stage was magical. All in all, this was a great saturday, since there is nothing like concerts to make you feel high on life (well, music in this case, but music is a great part of life, so you all see my point?). It was great, lots of thanks to Jenny and Carolina who shared this awesome night with me.
This sunday turned out to be pretty great as well. After sleeping till 1:20 in the afternoon I got up and went into town to meet Sandra. She's an old school friend of mine that I hadn't met in a long time, and she and I went shopping and then wandered into Muffin Bekery to have a couple of muffins. I bought a present for a friend and a dress and two tops for myself. It was all on sale so I thought it would be okay if I cheated just a little bit on my "keeping-all-of-my-money-in-my-wallet"-promise. Hopefully it'll all work out. I just felt like I didn't want to leave the stores without those things, and I mean, I can't say that I follow my emotions and tell others to do the same if I don't follow my emotions, right? I know what you're thinking, "excuses, excuses", but I don't really care right now, because music and shopping have one thing in common; they both put me in an extremely good mood that stays with me for a really long time. So I can see both my ticket to Taste of Chaos and my new clothes as an investment in my psychological health.
/Madeleine
Drawing lines
Well what can I say, after a week of sickness I'm finally well again? Yay and woho, etc! Not that I've missed school or anything but the later part of my weekend turned out to be my get-better-again-period of this sick week of mine, which sort of sucked. But ey, maybe I needed the rest? I also happened to miss the Kill Hannah concert yeasterday at Debaser, since A) I wasn't well yet, B) I need to save money for my trip to the States and C) I had important choir practice that I could not miss, which is connected to my trip to the States. I don't know if I've mentioned it but the choir I'm in is going to compete internationally at Hawaii in the beginning of November. So I'm leaving for that in a couple of weeks and will be gone for 18 days. I can't wait, it's going to be so much fun to go back to the US of A. First we're gonna visit Los Angeles, then compete at Hawaii and then me and my family are going to spend a couple of days in New York and shop like we've never shopped before, hence the saving of the money. We leave the 30th of October and one might just guess how extremely excited I am?
Tonight I'm having dinner out with my godfather and right now I'm trying to study and somehow ended up here instead. Before that I'll stop by my dear Lisa's place and drop of some discs of Gilmore Girls that I've drugged this weekend when I had noting better to do. It turned out to be somewhat of my saviour. The beginning of the weekend was fun though, I went to a party with a couple of friends and during the saturday I first had lunch and went shopping with my wonderful Ariana and then played pool with my brother. So it's still been a good weekend, and hopefully this one will be even better. I'm gonna meet my sweet Louise on friday and during the saturday, after an entire day of choir practice and rehersal, it's time for Taste of Chaos, finally! There I will see two of my favourite bands; Atreyu and Story of the Year who are both really good bands so I suggest you check them out. I'll post one of my favourite songs by Story of the Year in my next post so you can just follow the link and listen to them. So I have a lot to look forward to even though school's still there and I can't spend as much money as I'd like to and everything, but life's still good. Especailly since friendship and good music are (almost) completely free, so again, yay, woho and etc! Bu-bye to you.
/Madeleine
Tonight I'm having dinner out with my godfather and right now I'm trying to study and somehow ended up here instead. Before that I'll stop by my dear Lisa's place and drop of some discs of Gilmore Girls that I've drugged this weekend when I had noting better to do. It turned out to be somewhat of my saviour. The beginning of the weekend was fun though, I went to a party with a couple of friends and during the saturday I first had lunch and went shopping with my wonderful Ariana and then played pool with my brother. So it's still been a good weekend, and hopefully this one will be even better. I'm gonna meet my sweet Louise on friday and during the saturday, after an entire day of choir practice and rehersal, it's time for Taste of Chaos, finally! There I will see two of my favourite bands; Atreyu and Story of the Year who are both really good bands so I suggest you check them out. I'll post one of my favourite songs by Story of the Year in my next post so you can just follow the link and listen to them. So I have a lot to look forward to even though school's still there and I can't spend as much money as I'd like to and everything, but life's still good. Especailly since friendship and good music are (almost) completely free, so again, yay, woho and etc! Bu-bye to you.
/Madeleine
Fry my sickness
Here we go again, coming down with a cold and a soar throat caused by an infection in my airways. Mehe. It is most likely due to my being sleep deprived thanks to all the stress I've aleady written/complained about in my previous posts. I've decided though that this is going to be the end of it, the last time I complain about it, since I'm sick (haha) of complaining. I just need to get it out there; I hate being sick. It's affecting plans and there is no time for it and it's genreally extremely annoying. To quote my awesome friend Ariana: ...GAH. That's all I have to say.
I relly happen to like my mother's best advise though when it comes to cures, which is sleep and ice cream. And lots of it. That is the two things you need in order to get better from anything. Unfortunately I still have to go to school tomorrow since I can't afford to miss anything, so I can't sleep all day and eat ice cream and not worrying about anything like I would like to. Although, I'm still meeting some pretty cool people tomorrow. First I have school and there are some very great people there, and then later on I'm going to meet my sweet Louise. So it's not going to be all horrible. Anyway, now I really have to get some of that precious sleep I mentioned earlier and hope that I get better soon. So... good night!
/Madeleine
I relly happen to like my mother's best advise though when it comes to cures, which is sleep and ice cream. And lots of it. That is the two things you need in order to get better from anything. Unfortunately I still have to go to school tomorrow since I can't afford to miss anything, so I can't sleep all day and eat ice cream and not worrying about anything like I would like to. Although, I'm still meeting some pretty cool people tomorrow. First I have school and there are some very great people there, and then later on I'm going to meet my sweet Louise. So it's not going to be all horrible. Anyway, now I really have to get some of that precious sleep I mentioned earlier and hope that I get better soon. So... good night!
/Madeleine
Don't wait honey
Am I the only one who feels like there is never, ever enough time to do all the things you want to do? No, I didn't think so. I've come to the conclusion that it's the one of the primary reasons to why I'm so extremely tired at the moment and that it's difficult to see the bright side of things because there is not enough time for you to do the things you want to do that makes you happy. And even, when you do, you don't have enough time to appreciate it, because you are too busy with something else. I'm very sorry for complaining but now I at least got that out of my system. Haha, excellent.
School is reallt crazy right now as I've written before but when there is also life, choir, music, friends, life, choir and everything else there is not really time to just... be. As someone so wisely said; it's all a matter of how you prioritze. Am I the only one who's really sick of hearing that? Well, Einstein, if I were to prioritize something over somthing else that would still mean that I don't have enough time to do all the things I want to, now would it? Plus, there are never times where you actually feel like you have too much time on your hands, because that is the moments life has taken away from you, in order to keep you busy. To quote Fall Out Boy: Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying.
My point is that life is what happends right now, right? (I love using the same word twice in the same sentence), but however, if life really is what happens when you're busy making other plans and all that, we don't have enough time to see what is really there. We won't see the opportunities we have to make life what we want it to be and we'll only regret not actually giving ourselves the moments we need in order to be happy. If we only get caught up with what we have to do we'll never just pause, stop and think about the things we actually want to do, which are the things to focus on, since that is what truly matters.
So my best piece of advise for today is to just... chill, take a break from everything and just think about what it is that you want, and what makes you happy. I know it is really difficult, hey I'm still trying to learn how to deal with everything. I'm just saying that if you have a friend that you feel like you really want to spend time with, don't worry and just try to fit it in since it gives you so much energy to handle all of the boring stuff later on. And if it's something that will end up with you missing some good night's sleep, then so what? Sleep you can do when you're dead. And ah, isn't that another good saying that really just fixes all of your problems, huh? I know I'm still trying to live life like there is no tomorrow, and I'm not really one to preach, but I still know that life tends to make yourself feel better, when you give yourself enough time to spend on the things that make you feel better.
/Madeleine
School is reallt crazy right now as I've written before but when there is also life, choir, music, friends, life, choir and everything else there is not really time to just... be. As someone so wisely said; it's all a matter of how you prioritze. Am I the only one who's really sick of hearing that? Well, Einstein, if I were to prioritize something over somthing else that would still mean that I don't have enough time to do all the things I want to, now would it? Plus, there are never times where you actually feel like you have too much time on your hands, because that is the moments life has taken away from you, in order to keep you busy. To quote Fall Out Boy: Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying.
My point is that life is what happends right now, right? (I love using the same word twice in the same sentence), but however, if life really is what happens when you're busy making other plans and all that, we don't have enough time to see what is really there. We won't see the opportunities we have to make life what we want it to be and we'll only regret not actually giving ourselves the moments we need in order to be happy. If we only get caught up with what we have to do we'll never just pause, stop and think about the things we actually want to do, which are the things to focus on, since that is what truly matters.
So my best piece of advise for today is to just... chill, take a break from everything and just think about what it is that you want, and what makes you happy. I know it is really difficult, hey I'm still trying to learn how to deal with everything. I'm just saying that if you have a friend that you feel like you really want to spend time with, don't worry and just try to fit it in since it gives you so much energy to handle all of the boring stuff later on. And if it's something that will end up with you missing some good night's sleep, then so what? Sleep you can do when you're dead. And ah, isn't that another good saying that really just fixes all of your problems, huh? I know I'm still trying to live life like there is no tomorrow, and I'm not really one to preach, but I still know that life tends to make yourself feel better, when you give yourself enough time to spend on the things that make you feel better.
/Madeleine
Oh my music god
I want to begin with saying a great, amazingly big Thank You to the person who invented portable music devices. And of course to all of you Rock Gods out there that are inventing the awesome music that the music devices are filled with. Today my wonderful father purchased this wonderful thing for me, and gave it to me as my very first christmas present this year. It's a long story, but basically I needed a new mp3-player and my dad and I made an agreement. Today, three months before christmas, this baby came into my life, and I'm so happy I don't really know how to describe it. Bu-bye to my 256 MB SanDisk player I have up until now been using since May. The SanDisk thing can hold about 47 songs was my very first one and came in handy when my second one decided to die on me (this iPod is my third one). Actually, I was the one who killed my second one, and that is also a long and kind of embarassing story for my part, so I'd rather not tell it but let's just say that I don't have any worries anymore when it comes to my music. I now have an iPod nano, silver colored with a memory of 8 GB. The happiness simply can't be described. Thanks again, dear father for the present!
I've decided to share the story about what happened to my last one anyway. It was a really great mp3-player, a Creative Zen: Vision that held 30 GB. I loved it very deeply but accidentally killed it. I was watching some bands one night, needed water, drank water from the water bottle I had with me and then put it back in my bag. The next time I looked in my bag, it was filled with water becasue I had apperantly not closed the water bottle entirely. And that's how my beloved Creative died. Sad story, still is, but the empty room in my heart is now filled, thanks to my new and wonderful iPod, who I just named Andy. Andy and I, I'm sure, are going to be very happy together. And yes, I am a bit crazy when it comes to mp3-players, but portable music is just the shiznit, isn't it? I'm simply in love with Andy at the moment...
/Madeleine
Crocodile cakes
Since today's the 24th of September that means that it's my half-birthday today! Congtrats to me! My birthday is, for those who didn't get that by reading the previous sentence, the 24th of March. That means I'm an Aries and that the next time that date will happen, I. am. turning. 18! Hell yeah. It'll be fun, I'm sure, can't wait... Gah, I'm getting old, I'm turning into a grown-up. Shit. I'm scared! [...] I'm not really that horrified, but I just thouhgt it'd be fun to elaborate that little part of me that is panicking, just a little bit). I'm sure everything will be great so I'm keeping it cool. Or something? Still, from now on I'll be closer to turning 18 than I am to my 17th birthday, and that's pretty... Wow in a way.
After the essay writing in enlish class today, me and Ariana went to our place that's close to our school. We felt like we had to since we lost all of our energy at the lesson (and to celebrate my half-birthday, of course). The place called Café Negro and serves the best chocolate cake I've ever tasted! I'm not kidding, it's sooo magnificent (see, me using a "fancy" word and several o's must mean that I'm telling the truth and that I'm right). I highly recommend this place, since the café is really cozy and awesome in every other aspect as well. I have a lot of good memories from there. 'Tis good times. Now I'm gonna try to study a bit and then reward/celebrate myself by watching a couple of One Tree Hill episodes that I've borrowed from my sweet Louise... Good night.
/Madeleine
After the essay writing in enlish class today, me and Ariana went to our place that's close to our school. We felt like we had to since we lost all of our energy at the lesson (and to celebrate my half-birthday, of course). The place called Café Negro and serves the best chocolate cake I've ever tasted! I'm not kidding, it's sooo magnificent (see, me using a "fancy" word and several o's must mean that I'm telling the truth and that I'm right). I highly recommend this place, since the café is really cozy and awesome in every other aspect as well. I have a lot of good memories from there. 'Tis good times. Now I'm gonna try to study a bit and then reward/celebrate myself by watching a couple of One Tree Hill episodes that I've borrowed from my sweet Louise... Good night.
/Madeleine
Learn enough
School's serious now, oh yeah baby, school work is apperantly what is supposed to equal all the free time you have outside of school as well. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating the tiniest bit, but second year sure is already a lot more to take than the first year. Today we had to write an in-class essay based on a subject regarding T.S Eliot's The Waste Land, or as some people like to call it; The Waste-of-F*cking-Time Land. For all of you who haven't read it I can only say that it's not like a nice 'walk in the park'. It is some pretty heavy lyrical english and sort of difficult to get a hold of. It went okay though I hope, we'll get it back and then we'll get a chance to rewrite it and hand in a better version (I'm very grateful for that), and that will be the one that will be graded. Now I only have french, psychology, history, math, swedish and social studies tests to worry about. But I shouldn't complain...
Am ironically enough listening to the song 'Always Love' with Nada Surf, so I'm guessing I should boost my attitude a bit and become more positive. Or maybe I'll save that for later and move on to another song I'm drugging right now, which is 'Misery Loves its' Company' by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and they're one of my favourite bands. However, except for school and that kind of stuff, life is pretty good right now. Most things are under control and how I'd like them to be (see, the song is working for me already). Have hung out a lot with my sweet and awesome people the past week, like Ariana, Jenny, Louise and other cool people. What I love about them is that they don't ever judge me, for anything. I can be whoever I want to be when I'm around them and they still love me. It's really something, to have those kinds of people in your life... It's really something.
/Madeleine
Am ironically enough listening to the song 'Always Love' with Nada Surf, so I'm guessing I should boost my attitude a bit and become more positive. Or maybe I'll save that for later and move on to another song I'm drugging right now, which is 'Misery Loves its' Company' by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and they're one of my favourite bands. However, except for school and that kind of stuff, life is pretty good right now. Most things are under control and how I'd like them to be (see, the song is working for me already). Have hung out a lot with my sweet and awesome people the past week, like Ariana, Jenny, Louise and other cool people. What I love about them is that they don't ever judge me, for anything. I can be whoever I want to be when I'm around them and they still love me. It's really something, to have those kinds of people in your life... It's really something.
/Madeleine
Grey beauty
Just because I think the lyrics of this song, called 23 by Jimmy Eat World, are so very beautiful I thought I'd post the song here, together with a picture I took of some flowers at some flowershop this summer.
I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...
It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...
Here is also a link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0085_FUpics
/Madeleine
Kill the pain
After waking up with a soar throat and a major head ache this morning, I decided to stay in bed and not go to school. Felt sort of nice to just stay home, sleep, watch some One Tree Hill and just take it easy today. Been a while since I had the opportunity to do so, and it has also been a while since I had the apartment all to myself. It is a very nice feeling, actually. Plus then I can sit by the piano and sing as loud as I want to, without having anyone complain.
I also made a short visit to my dentist's office today, so it wasn't a complete waste of a monday (even though, most mondays are always sort of useless if you ask me, no matter what). I sat down by the water while talking to my friend Jenny on my way home, that was very nice. I love sitting by the water. You can tell that the fall is here, since I was freezing even though I was wearing my lovely leather jacket. Or maybe I'm coming down with a fever as well, or something?
Even I if I am, I know I'll be going to school tomorrow. I remeber once last term when I was sick with a fever and a terrible cold. After three days in bed, away from school and people outside of my family, the fever had past, bud the cold was still there. On the fourth day though, I decided to not care about that and I went to school anyway. I got the feeling that I needed to be with people. I just couldn't take staying home alone anymore.
One of the reasons to why I'm not that big a fan of being alone is that it gives me too much time to think. Not that I have that much sad stuff to think about, I just have a tendency to overthink everything and then get a bit sad because of that. That's why I like being around people, it gives me energy at the same time as it keeps me distracted and new, mostly nice converstaions and experiences to think about. I still need time to be by myself but I don't want/need it as much as I think I think I should. I just work like that I guess, that I feel the happiest and most calm when I'm around people and have the opportunity to communicate and be social. Social is one of the words that is used the most when people try to describe me and I think they make a good point.
Since I am a very talkative person I'm comfortable and feel the best when I have friends around me, so I can let it all out. Both the bad stuff, the fun memories and stories, or just my general outbursts of weirdness that can be found extemely entertaining by my equally excentric friends. To make a long text short, I am one of those people who is sort of afraid of both being alone and feeling alone, and that's why I, like every other person on this earth, just try to find ways to avoid that. So far, I think I'm mostly doing very good, just having people in the same area help a lot, especially when they know me well enough to see what I'm thinking just by looking at me. That's what I love about them. Now, thank you and good night.
/Madeleine
I also made a short visit to my dentist's office today, so it wasn't a complete waste of a monday (even though, most mondays are always sort of useless if you ask me, no matter what). I sat down by the water while talking to my friend Jenny on my way home, that was very nice. I love sitting by the water. You can tell that the fall is here, since I was freezing even though I was wearing my lovely leather jacket. Or maybe I'm coming down with a fever as well, or something?
Even I if I am, I know I'll be going to school tomorrow. I remeber once last term when I was sick with a fever and a terrible cold. After three days in bed, away from school and people outside of my family, the fever had past, bud the cold was still there. On the fourth day though, I decided to not care about that and I went to school anyway. I got the feeling that I needed to be with people. I just couldn't take staying home alone anymore.
One of the reasons to why I'm not that big a fan of being alone is that it gives me too much time to think. Not that I have that much sad stuff to think about, I just have a tendency to overthink everything and then get a bit sad because of that. That's why I like being around people, it gives me energy at the same time as it keeps me distracted and new, mostly nice converstaions and experiences to think about. I still need time to be by myself but I don't want/need it as much as I think I think I should. I just work like that I guess, that I feel the happiest and most calm when I'm around people and have the opportunity to communicate and be social. Social is one of the words that is used the most when people try to describe me and I think they make a good point.
Since I am a very talkative person I'm comfortable and feel the best when I have friends around me, so I can let it all out. Both the bad stuff, the fun memories and stories, or just my general outbursts of weirdness that can be found extemely entertaining by my equally excentric friends. To make a long text short, I am one of those people who is sort of afraid of both being alone and feeling alone, and that's why I, like every other person on this earth, just try to find ways to avoid that. So far, I think I'm mostly doing very good, just having people in the same area help a lot, especially when they know me well enough to see what I'm thinking just by looking at me. That's what I love about them. Now, thank you and good night.
/Madeleine
Sugarcactus
I'm at my dear, sweet and lovely friend Louise's place atm. Just to behave differently from like we usually do we watched some One Tree Hill episodes and chlliaxed (very inventive word, isn't it?). Right now we're sort of just hanging and listening to kick ass music on her computer, and having a vely vely nice time. Just for the fun of it I thought I'd post a cute picture of the two of us. And here, at her computer, there are actually quite many to choose form. Mihi. We are so getting it on with the camera every time we hang out.
Louise and myself.
This person is truly like the sweetest person I know. We used to dance together. That's sort of a funny story about how we got to know each other. We were always the loudest people in class who somehow usually ended up lauging a lot, in the middle of everything. We're going shopping on tuesday as well. Just for the fun of it. And btw, to see her blog (and more pics of us) visit http://thorny.blogg.se. It is a really good blog written by a wonderful person.
/Madeleine
Louise and myself.
This person is truly like the sweetest person I know. We used to dance together. That's sort of a funny story about how we got to know each other. We were always the loudest people in class who somehow usually ended up lauging a lot, in the middle of everything. We're going shopping on tuesday as well. Just for the fun of it. And btw, to see her blog (and more pics of us) visit http://thorny.blogg.se. It is a really good blog written by a wonderful person.
/Madeleine
Swing life away
Yes, I shall continue writing in english here for bit, because I like it. Mihi. I also notice that I have a tendency to go slightly more weird, hyper and easily entertained when I speak english for some odd reason I don't really know. Which is something I find very hilarious. Anyhow, yesterday's at Ariana's new, lovely place was wonderful, except for the fact that I got a mild concussion. How I got it is a long story that makes me look sort of stupid, so I don't really want to post it here. Haha, yeah. Carrying on...
After a day of two classes me and Ariana went into town for a late lunch with Oskar. It was very nice, since it was sort of a long time since I met him. After that me and my wife went back to school for the AA-meeting. Pause for misinterpretation regarding AA. It is really the Association of Art, which Signe, Julia and Ariana created last term. I'm the accountant and the honoruble member so obviously I had to be there too. I didn't mind though. There were cookies and pie there, for crying out loud. We have gotten some new members as well, so we introduced the association and then drew a bit. Like the association is partly about.
Later on, Ariana, Julia, Signe and myself decided to go out and have dinner. It ended up being one of those fantastic nights with so many laughs and so much room for conversations that I just love, with some of my closest friends. After three hours of girls' time, our/Julia's beloved Sven showed up. Since he wants to be one of the girls he enjoyed joinng us at the end of the night. Just fot the fun of it I thought I'd post a picture of these people I have mentioned. It is from this summer, unfortunately it was the only picture I could find with the four of them on it. I can't really describe it in any other way but random.
Sven, Julia, Ariana and Signe.
After a day of two classes me and Ariana went into town for a late lunch with Oskar. It was very nice, since it was sort of a long time since I met him. After that me and my wife went back to school for the AA-meeting. Pause for misinterpretation regarding AA. It is really the Association of Art, which Signe, Julia and Ariana created last term. I'm the accountant and the honoruble member so obviously I had to be there too. I didn't mind though. There were cookies and pie there, for crying out loud. We have gotten some new members as well, so we introduced the association and then drew a bit. Like the association is partly about.
Later on, Ariana, Julia, Signe and myself decided to go out and have dinner. It ended up being one of those fantastic nights with so many laughs and so much room for conversations that I just love, with some of my closest friends. After three hours of girls' time, our/Julia's beloved Sven showed up. Since he wants to be one of the girls he enjoyed joinng us at the end of the night. Just fot the fun of it I thought I'd post a picture of these people I have mentioned. It is from this summer, unfortunately it was the only picture I could find with the four of them on it. I can't really describe it in any other way but random.
Sven, Julia, Ariana and Signe.
Elsewhere in heaven
As I have mentioned before, I go to an international class which means that I study everything in english. Even though english is the language I prefer both speaking and writing, I've only written in swedish in this blog so far. Now though, I'm hanging out with one of my bestest friends Ariana and we speak english to each other, always. So here we go, since I'm in the mood of writing something in english, I thought I would make this post the first one in my favourite lanugage. I know I have been really bad at updating this page lately, so just to make a short summary, here we go;
School has started again I have tons of homework and tests. Have been hanging out a lot with my sweet friends and have created a couple of new habits and developed a couple of interesting addictions. I have discovered some new kick ass music that I will share later on, just because I love spreading a good sound.
Me and Ariana have eaten dinner out with her mother tonight and then we bought bunch of candy. We also got the new Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavour 'Half Baked', which is seriously the best ice cream ever. Then we watched some Sex and the City, like we always do. After watching two of our favourite episodes (the ones that contain most of our SatC inside jokes) we looked at plane tickets to London and then read some blog posts. That's when I realised that I wanted to write something here, and Ariana just threw a stuffed animal at me. Truthfully, sort of funny, has nothing to do with anything but I'm laughing very hard right now. Like I often do when I'm with her. Sidetracks are my friends.
Right now she is unpacking some boxes with CDs and I have convinced her to lend me a couple of albums with My Chemical Romance, New Found Glory and Breaking Benjamin. So I'm very happy right now. Like I always am when I'm with her. So now I'll finish this post up by writing that I've promised myself to update this page better and am also gonna upload pictures and stuff later on. Just for the fun of it. Cherrio's!
/Madeleine
School has started again I have tons of homework and tests. Have been hanging out a lot with my sweet friends and have created a couple of new habits and developed a couple of interesting addictions. I have discovered some new kick ass music that I will share later on, just because I love spreading a good sound.
Me and Ariana have eaten dinner out with her mother tonight and then we bought bunch of candy. We also got the new Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavour 'Half Baked', which is seriously the best ice cream ever. Then we watched some Sex and the City, like we always do. After watching two of our favourite episodes (the ones that contain most of our SatC inside jokes) we looked at plane tickets to London and then read some blog posts. That's when I realised that I wanted to write something here, and Ariana just threw a stuffed animal at me. Truthfully, sort of funny, has nothing to do with anything but I'm laughing very hard right now. Like I often do when I'm with her. Sidetracks are my friends.
Right now she is unpacking some boxes with CDs and I have convinced her to lend me a couple of albums with My Chemical Romance, New Found Glory and Breaking Benjamin. So I'm very happy right now. Like I always am when I'm with her. So now I'll finish this post up by writing that I've promised myself to update this page better and am also gonna upload pictures and stuff later on. Just for the fun of it. Cherrio's!
/Madeleine
Sleep vs mornings
Har hållit mig själv väldigt sysselsatt på senaste tiden måste jag ändå säga. Jobbar som sagt, varje vardag, och träffar mysiga människor under kvällar och helger. Har det riktigt trevligt nu för tiden, om man bortser från dem tidiga morgonarna när jag känner för att dra täcket över huvudet och spy så fort väckarklockan låter. Tur att mamma finns. Hon är den som fixar frukost till mig och motiverar mig till att faktiskt stiga upp ur sängen. Önskar att man då kunde få tiden att stå stilla, så jag fick sova... Bara fem minuter till.
Att vara vaken har väl dock sina fördelar också, antar jag. Det är trots allt då jag kan ägna mig åt alla mysiga middagar, fikastunder och telefonsamtal som trots allt gör detta sommarlov så fantastiskt mysigt. De senaste helgerna har jag dessutom dragit till Smedsuddsbadet med lite folk, väldigt mysigt att kunna njuta av dagssolen för en gångs skull, istället för att sitta inne på ett kontor när solen lyser som starkast. Jag ska dock inte klaga. Har rätt trevligt, för det mesta iaf. Det enda jobbiga är när människor som ringer in till företaget är väldigt upprörda över någonting. När dem inte vill något hellre än att ta ut det på någon genom att skälla för att visa sin ilska. Vem blir då det första bästa "offret" för just det? Jo, nämligen jag, receptionisten som inte har någonting med själva felet att göra, utan fungerar som informatör när det gället ämnet. Lite jobbigt bara. Sen så finns det ju faktiskt trevliga människor som ringer också, som tackar för god service och önskar mig en underbar sommar eller en trevlig fortsatt dag. Sms från mina kära sötnosar lyfter också upp humöret, så tack världen för att det fortfarande finns saker som lyser upp dessa dagar. Dagar när sommarlovet innehåller ansvarstagande, istället för ren tanklöshet samt plats för extrem spontanitet. Men jag ska som sagt inte klaga...
/Madeleine
Att vara vaken har väl dock sina fördelar också, antar jag. Det är trots allt då jag kan ägna mig åt alla mysiga middagar, fikastunder och telefonsamtal som trots allt gör detta sommarlov så fantastiskt mysigt. De senaste helgerna har jag dessutom dragit till Smedsuddsbadet med lite folk, väldigt mysigt att kunna njuta av dagssolen för en gångs skull, istället för att sitta inne på ett kontor när solen lyser som starkast. Jag ska dock inte klaga. Har rätt trevligt, för det mesta iaf. Det enda jobbiga är när människor som ringer in till företaget är väldigt upprörda över någonting. När dem inte vill något hellre än att ta ut det på någon genom att skälla för att visa sin ilska. Vem blir då det första bästa "offret" för just det? Jo, nämligen jag, receptionisten som inte har någonting med själva felet att göra, utan fungerar som informatör när det gället ämnet. Lite jobbigt bara. Sen så finns det ju faktiskt trevliga människor som ringer också, som tackar för god service och önskar mig en underbar sommar eller en trevlig fortsatt dag. Sms från mina kära sötnosar lyfter också upp humöret, så tack världen för att det fortfarande finns saker som lyser upp dessa dagar. Dagar när sommarlovet innehåller ansvarstagande, istället för ren tanklöshet samt plats för extrem spontanitet. Men jag ska som sagt inte klaga...
/Madeleine